According to Dr. William Glasser, we have the following needs
1. The need to feel loved (this is not limited to intimate love) 2. The need to belong..to feel valuable. 3. The need to feel powerful - Fulfilled by achieving, accomplishing, and being recognized and respected 4. The need to have Freedom - Fulfilled by making choices and fun - Fulfilled by laughing and playing
In this post I explore The need to have freedom and make choices, to explore and expand your knowledge of life.
This need is so important. Many times during and after a divorce or separation a person will be so focused on financial needs, and just how to get through the day that they forget to move forward.
The need to choose what you focus your time on is important. Are you dwelling on the past? Are you blaming someone else for your feelings?
Fulfilling your need for freedom is letting go of the past and focusing on the future. Remember you have the freedom to choose to be happy.
Why is this important? Have you ever been around someone that was always grumpy or miserable. Yes something difficult or terrible may have happened and yes they may have the right to feel that way for a time. But does that make anyone want to be around them? NO. They will loose friends. They can’t make new friends and will find themselves feel even worse.
Let’s give an example. Have you ever had a job where there is one employee that is always grumpy or miserable. They never have anything nice to say about anything! The weather is bad. There is too much work! Traffic is bad! Etc. When your at work and all is ok when this person enters your work space they can do what I call “suck the happy right out of the room”.
If your lucky you can ask them to go back to their job, desk or something! But what if that person what your boss? And your boss changes the rules of your job, what you can say, what your job expeditions are, based on their mood? Or they expect you to share in their misery? You can’t really tell you Boss to go away..you could get fired! Sometimes you just have to do your best to avoid the boss or live with their misery.
But what if that grumpy or miserable person is you?? And if you around you can see that friends and colleagues are avoiding you because all you do is share your misery?? What if you have children?? Are you expecting them to share your misery??
If you can’t find what makes you HAPPY and fulfilled, you can’t be happy for other people, including your kids!!
So what do you do?? Are you an outside person? Love sports? Read a book about your favorite sports personality or sport. Love basketball? Check out other sports.
Are you more of an inside person. Love to read?? Read about fun places? Get outside and check them out for yourself!
Remember your friends and children are your fun support system, NOT YOUR THERAPIST. Try not to share ALL your feelings all the time. Need to share, go to a professional that can really help you let go and move on!!
And love yourself again!! Even if you feel to blame for the divorce or separation, everyone can look back and see that there are problems that each person contributed to the divorce or separation and instead of laying blame or accepting blame you just have to see the divorce as a solution to a problem.
Now go find something new and exciting to make you happy!!