After being a divorce attorney for 22 years, I have many people tell me that they don’t know how they are ever going to be happy again. They are often in the middle of a separation from a significant other or divorce or even after it’s is final.
I remind them first and foremost that they have to remember that they have the power to make that decision.
Then I remind them that it starts with providing themselves with their basic needs...yes, food, shelter and clothing are important but even more important according to Dr. William Glasser,
1. The need to feel loved (this is not limited to intimate love) 2. The need to belong..to feel valuable. 3. The need to feel powerful - Fulfilled by achieving, accomplishing, and being recognized and respected 4. The need to have Freedom - Fulfilled by making choices and fun - Fulfilled by laughing and playing
So what does it mean to be loved? This is not just imitate love. This is love of family, parents, siblings, children, friends, yourself.
Sometimes if a person are not getting this need fulfilled, they may seek it in the wrong way. Hanging with friends that use them. Dating people that aren’t looking for a real relationship, having sex with people they don’t really know. Some people join groups or gangs that get them involved in criminal behavior.
Often these behaviors can lead to many heartaches and regrets.
So what if you don’t have parents living? No siblings? No children?
Seek to make friends in places you like. Like to bowl join a league. Like to place basketball, join a team at the YMCA.
Find what makes you happy. These friendships will be based on similar likes and many times you will find you have even more in common than you know.
Then you will fulfill your need for real love.
Will post again about the need to feel valuable.